I think I may have figured out why President Donald “Tweet” Trump has such a problem with aliens…he’s confused. (And here you just thought he was an asshole.) Yeah, I have a feeling that whenever someone mentions “aliens” he immediately gets this image of creatures from “deep space” (see above), and freaks.

Can’t you just picture it? (Do the “wavy lines” thing that Wayne and Garth did in Wayne’s World here)…

(From inside the Executive Residence of the White House, with the First Family sitting around the dinner table, eating Big Macs and watching Jerry Springer while they dine)

                POTUS (frowning with concern): “My God, Melanoma, they’re coming for us with their “suck rays” as we speak, to vacuum the brains right from our heads…we just can’t let any more of them into the country.” 

                FLOTUS (wiping special sauce from her chin): “But Mr. Wonderful, you shouldn’t be concerned, you don’t have a thing to worry about. They can’t take what you don’t have.” (Note to script supervisor…that’s “FLOTUS”, not “flatus”…easy mistake to make in this instance.)           

                POTUS: “But Mel, I’m worried about all the suckers, excuse me, voters in the “blue” states that voted for Crooked Hillary…shit, there’s no one in Washington or in the “red” states that has a thing to worry about either. I’m just afraid of what might happen if these monsters land and try to overthrow the government…I still have ObamaCare to fuck up and those huge tax breaks for all my rich buddies to get through Congress. I don’t have time to deal with an alien invasion. Shit, I may have to nuke them when I get done with that fat fuck over there in North Dakota.”

                FDOTUS Tonka (raising her hand to be acknowledged): “But your Eminence, don’t you mean “North Korea”?”

                POTUS (waving his hand dismissively and talking with a mouthful of two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun): “Whatever…my degree from Wharton was in Econ, not geography.”

And on and on and on…

Were this to actually take place, you could make book that President Tweety Bird would welcome aliens from outer space, given that so much of his support is from persons of the far right, ultra-conservative Christian persuasion.

Why is that, you ask? Well, according to the Reverend Dr. Bruce H. Downing, who is the pastor of Northminster Presbyterian Church in Endwell NY, in his 1968 book, “The Bible and Flying Saucers” (I couldn’t have made that up if I had tried), Jesus Christ was an “extraterrestrial sent to Earth to rid the world of sin and wickedness”; you know that PTB, in an effort to further mollify his support base would, much like Gabriel, trumpet this all over Twitterdom, once he realized that these were “aliens”, not “aliens”.

Of course, I could be mistaken (not likely, I admit, but possible) but my theory explains a lot, wouldn’t you agree?

By now most of you know that I am not a big believer in segues, so I’ll just plow ahead, oblivious to proper literary form and good taste… 

Did I mention that I’m seeing the Next Generation Ballet’s production of P. I. Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker at the Straz Center down in Tampa next week? No? What a doofus I am. Yes, it’s true, an enormous yearning for culture overcame me a few weeks ago and I got tickets for myself and a friend… (the first time I read about the Straz Center here in Tampa, I misunderstood the word and thought it said “spaz” and I remember thinking to myself, well, that’s pretty rude).

I understand that the Straz is hosting a “Star Trek” compendium next summer…the play will feature Matt Damon, reprising the Captain James Tiberius Kirk character, with the other parts still to be cast; should be a blockbuster. (The big hit, not the defunct movie-rental place.) 

Did you know that Herod Antipas, the son of Herod the Great, the tetrarch of Galilee, built a beautiful city on the Sea of Galilee and named it Tiberias, after the Roman Emperor Tiberius? (I hope he was a better tetrarch than he was speller.) True, at least according to WikiPedia. And that Tiberias is mentioned in the Bible (Excretions 45:89), hopefully making this entire post come full circle.

President Trump has sworn to his faithful minions that no aliens will ever set foot in Tiberias either…he plans to deal with them just as soon as he has a handle on this Russian thing.

Love and rayguns,

Cap’n John

Post Script…I had this one left over and wanted to use it…

Mel and Don, at the gala White House Costume Party last fall…okay, I made that one up. 

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