Just an FYI, but I wrote the following about a week ago, well prior to the sad and extremely untimely passing of one of my heroes, Tom Petty…more on TP and the ‘Breakers in the future.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Well, here we are, post-Irma, and it’s now time for us to get back to the serious business of screwing up a bunch of other things in our world. (Did someone mention the President?)

In the midst of all the Irma Gedden scariness, along with all the crises’ and other equally crazy stuff happening lately all over the globe (did someone mention the President?), you may have missed a passing that we note here with great sadness…Walter Becker, a stellar musician, guitarist and one of the founding members of the rock group Steely Dan, left us on September 3rd of this year at the age of 67. There is only one appropriate word that can be used to describe Becker’s work…brilliant.

Here’s one for you, Walter (he played bass on this track), with a little help from the “Peanuts” kids…

“Please take me along when you slide on down.”

Did you know that “Steely Dan” is the name of a strap-on dildo (“Steely Dan III from Yokohama”), taken from the book “Naked Lunch” by William S. Burroughs. Burroughs, you may remember, was one of the Beat Generation writers that both Becker and Donald Fagen, the group’s other founding member, admired greatly.

Steely Dan III from Yokohama. Shit, I just call my dildo Bob.

And speaking of my new camera, I’m wondering if I can get some help or advice or whatever from the more electronically adept of you folks.

I just bought a new Nikon D3300 DSLR, and I have to tell you, it sure looks like a great camera (my second Nikon), with all the little buttons and gizmos and the too fey display screen on the back with all the little dials and graphs and thingies moving around, measuring shit and telling you what the relative light level and barometric pressure was in Dublin, Ireland at 22:03Z last 14 June, plus a bunch of cryptic but really impressive-looking electronic features like a “swirling kanooten radius” switch, which allows the camera to generate 1.21 gigawatts of power. (Okay, by show of hands, how many of you have recently considered building a time machine and returning to the 1950s?)

There’s a “trashcan” button to delete poopy shots, there’s “+/-“ button that changes the positive and negative terminals of your car battery in some manner, allowing for greater fuel efficiency and lower cholesterol, and there’s also a thingie to push that has a marking on it that looks like a little lightning bolt…I haven’t touched that one. There’s a circular dial gizmo on the top that has all kinds of letters and little pictures of this and that on it…I turned the dial to the “flower icon” (hey, how about that jargon, huh?), and then looked through the viewfinder, but I didn’t see anything that looked at all like a flower…all I saw was the other side of the room.

There’s even a small, black button with a big, ominous-looking red dot in its center, just below the dial thingie…I haven’t touched that one either.

But the worst part, and this is what I’m hoping SOMEBODY out there can help me with…I can’t for the life of me figure out where to put the film canister…anyone?

Appreciate it.

I saw this headline on a website last week…”Pam Anderson writes open letter to Kim Kardashian”. (I’m going to wait here a moment while you go back and re-read that sentence and digest it a little more thoroughly…)

I can only assume that Pam used crayons and Kim thought it was adorable and hung it on the ‘fridge, right next to a couple of Kanye’s drawings.

Did I mention I just bought a new camera last week?

Love and Photoshop,

Cap’n John

Post Script…oh yeah, that pic above of the sun, setting over the Gulf…took that with the new Nikon; sumbitch works pretty good, huh?

Post Post Script…I couldn’t find a place to sneak this in above, although for me, in most instances, that’s typically not a deterrent…

!!!!GO DODGERS!!!!

Thank you…we now return you to your regular programming.


  1. Funny man-writer, hilarious start to my wknd! ? With nlurry eyes (from tears of laughter) I type – excuse any typos.
    One teenie weenie correction. Sleepy Dan was a steam-poweref dildo, oh Captain my Captain!

    ~Sail on, sailor! ☠Aharrr matey!

    • Shit, I forgot the “steam-powered” part…good call, Ms. B.
      Hey, serious, thanks for all your kind words and encouragement…I really appreciate the support.
      You’re a very nice lady, despite your questionable taste in bloggers. 😉

      • Ahar matey! Ya speak my langrich! I’ll blog-along with you any time, Cap’n. No fear!
        Set your sails, and heave to! More uproarious ports await the fearless!

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