I’M NOT LAUGHING ANYMORE

Author Stephen King, one of my fave writers and one of my not-fave liberal snot-wads, has written a number of essays on the mechanics of “writing”; in fact, he’s written almost as many of those as he has books, being apparently obsessed with “writing” to the point of distraction. In one of these numerous treatments, he spoke (at great length, on-and-on at great length, like Charles Dickens at his worst please STFU at great length) about how a writer should be obsessed with words, to want to wallow around in words. I’m sure it would be to SK’s great satisfaction to know that I wholeheartedly agree with him. (Although I don’t rattle on about it.)

I love words…I don’t care to have sex with them, but I have great affection for language, for the actual “words” themselves. I enjoy playing with words, with phrases, with their connectivity and their weightiness.

I see dead people in words. (Okay, that’s not true, I just threw that in there to make sure you were paying attention.)

When I was living in the San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles, some years ago, there was a street in my neighborhood named “Moorpark”; as I was driving past one day, seeing the street sign, I realized that Moorpark backwards is “kraproom”.

Yeah, I see words in ways others don’t. And I believe that words have specific meanings which are not near as “gray area” as many people believe, that words can cut surgically, can evoke emotions and are to be wielded carefully.

So it drives me a little bat-shit when I see words being used profligately, or sloppily, without care. And I really don’t like the trend I’m seeing these days to “make up” words, just for their advertising or PR value, just to attract attention to something when the word has no relevance to that thing.

Like google.

I hate the word “google”. (Not that I don’t do it several dozen times a day, like most people on the planet.)

Supposedly, there is a back-story to how this obnoxious word came into existence, which you can read about on your own; frankly, I don’t buy it. I figure some smart Marketing person someplace convinced Larry Page and Sergey Brin, the two guys who founded the company, that they needed a “catchy” name to attract attention, something that people would remember but didn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with Web searching. I know its good marketing, but it’s an affront to language. (Good thing this isn’t Orwell’s 1984 or I’d call the Thought Police on them.)

“Memes” is another one…yeah, same routine, there’s supposedly a back-story to this one as well but it also sounds like horseshit. Hell, it isn’t even spelled correctly, for crissake. S-e-e-m-s is pronounced “seems” and d-e-e-m-s is pronounced “deems” and t-e-e-m-s is pronounced “kanooten” so why the hell isn’t is “m-e-e-m-s”? Geez.

So in my great dissatisfaction with this fabricated word, I have unilaterally decided to change it…if it has to be a “made-up” name, it should at least be something interesting. So from now on, they are no longer to be known as “meems”, using the phonetically correct spelling; starting today, any “humorous video, image, piece of text, etc. that is copied (often with slight variations) and spread rapidly by Internet users” (the Web Dictionary definition) is now to be called and referred to as…

…”gruwals”.

Gruwals. Please make a note of it.

Thank you. And screw your “meems” bullshit, and the horse you rode in on.

You’ll also note, if you’re paying attention, and if you aren’t please do so, as there will be a quiz on this material next week, that I am using a number of gruwals in this week’s post, all of them having the same subject matter, His Eminence, the Lord High Ruler of the Universe, Duke of Earl and Marquis of Queensbury, Exalted Grand Poohah of All He Surveys and Prince of Thieves, our President, Donald “Tweety Bird” Trump.

You will recall that I received a letter from his Head Lackey, Rudy Giuliani, which I shared with you last week, ordering me, err, sorry, asking me politely to be available on Wednesday, 7/17, at 1:00PM EST to receive a phone call from His Wonderfulness, to engage me in conversation…be still my beating heart.

And sure enough, just a few minutes past 1:00 (I would have thought the Commander In Thief would run a tighter ship than that), my phone rang and the number 202-456-1111 appeared on the Caller ID screen.

The White House.

Since my First Mate Taffie Wetzel was off battening down hatches, I was forced to answer my own phone.

“Cap’n John…”

“Please hold for His Majesty, Supreme Highness Trump…”

(His “hold” music is the tune “Hail To The Chief”…subtle.)

And then I heard that high-pitched, nasally voice come over the line…

“Cap’n John? Can I call you Cap’n John?”

“Mr. President, you have called me twice before and we’ve discussed this both times…you can call me “Cap’n John” if I can call you “Donald”, otherwise it’s Cap’n Krissongs.”

“Well, that’s awfully disrespectful, don’t you think? After all, I am the Supreme Ruler of the World, err, excuse me, President,” he responded, sounding a little miffed.

“Coming from the man who called Senator John McCain a “loser”, who said he “wasn’t a war hero” and that said about women that you just “grab them by the pussy”, a lecture from you about disrespect is a little disingenuous, don’t you think?”

“Well, I’m glad you agree that I’m a stable genius, anyway.”

“That isn’t what I said. Disingenuous means, shit, never mind,” I said, already exasperated. “What can I do for you today?”

        **********************************************************************************

I wrote the above on Sunday, 7/14, thinking to finish the following day; this is common for me, as I like to review what I’ve come up with from the fresh eye of a new day. It was also done just prior to President Donald Trump’s now infamous tweet directed at the “four Congresswomen” to “go back” where they came from if they didn’t like America. And I am so outraged and sickened by what he said, that I just can’t find it in my heart to finish this post.

A couple of points here…first, I don’t agree with most of what these four women, Representatives Alexandria Cortez-Ocasio of New York, Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts and Rashida Tlaib of Michigan, the alleged targets of the message and self-proclaimed as the “squad”, have to say; they are all far-left, “progressive” Democrats, and their mix of socialism, liberal politics and Democratic “tax and spend” doesn’t appeal to me in the least.

Second, I suspect that in the President’s mind his comments were not, as he has claimed, “racist”…I emphasize the phrase “in his mind”. Mr. Trump says he isn’t a racist, but his words and actions certainly seem to indicate to the contrary.

That Donald Trump is a misogynist and a liar there is no doubt, and while those things do not have any direct relationship to his most recent remarks, with the addition of “racist” to the litany of charges against this man, the bottom-line sum is a person who is not qualified to hold the office of President of the United States.

He is an embarrassment to our country and a blight on humanity.

What is even more troubling for me is not only the uptick in his approval numbers in polls taken just this week, but seeing his misguided supporters chanting “Lock her up!” at a rally he held down in North Carolina yesterday.

I could not be more disgusted.

Because the First Amendment of our Constitution says that these women, no matter how much we might not agree with what they say, no matter how much their words may anger us, have a right to speak; they don’t need Donald Trump’s approval in advance, and if he doesn’t like their points of view, tough. I don’t like what they’re saying either.

He’s playing to his base, who is as racist as he is, in preparation for the 2020 election, and his base is responding, and that is disturbing to say the least.

I write the Welcome Aboard The R U Kidding blog with one sole purpose…to make people laugh, to give my readers (all three of you, as I like to joke) a few moments of respite from an increasingly unhappy, frantic world. I’m sorry that I failed you this week, but there is nothing funny in the actions and words of Donald Trump.

I’ll try again next week, with a completely different subject, and I’m sure I’ll continue to poke fun at Mr. Trump from time to time in the future; he is, after all, a buffoon, and typically there is humor in buffoonery.

Just not this week.

You guys are awesome…thank you for allowing me to fall off the humor bandwagon for a moment.

#IStandWithIlhan

Love and the First Amendment,

Cap’n John