FOE TOES

(Cap’n John would like to issue a disclaimer here…in no way was he responsible for the decision the young lady (above) made in hiding her face. Further, no animals were harmed in any manner in the making of these images.)

Say cheese, everyone.

I have a close buddy that has graciously introduced my blog to several of his Facebook friends, who have, after reading my deathless prose, become big supporters.

I was speaking (on FB) with one of my ardent followers just the other day, and somehow the subject of my “photo/caption” posts came up, and I opined that I was afraid to do these columns sometimes, for fear I was boring the shit out of anyone who read one. Both this nice lady and another mutual friend/supporter assured me that, in their opinions, which of course are of the highest quality and reliability, my posts of captioning pictures that I find interesting or amusing are very funny and that I should continue producing same.

Yes, I paid them both 5 bucks. (Hey, come on, sometimes to have to prime the pump a little, okay?)

Anyway, for the first time in the lengthy history of the Welcome Aboard The R U Kidding blog (just over a month), I am dedicating this post to two of the nicest people with whom I have ever had the privilege to associate. Thanks, you guys, a bunch.

To Emma and Angel… 

Good place to start, wouldn’t you say? Love the monitor.

“…they shouted, play that funky music, white boy, play that funky music right…”

Twins, separated at birth? A mysterious stranger, moving quickly, silently through the rain-dampened streets of Prague? Two monks meet secretly in the cellar of a winery in the north of Toledo (Spain, not Ohio)? Is this another “odd” coincidence that sounds like a conspiracy cover-up? Can Li’l Petey save Susie and stop the runaway train before it crashes into the village? Does the Pope shit in the woods? These questions must be asked…(Oh, yeah, that’s Rod Taylor on the right in H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine”…good movie. The other guy? No one knows.)

Gustav wasn’t aware that there was a local ordinance prohibiting the carrying of cows within the city limits…when he was confronted by the local police, he refused to cooperate.

Police negotiator, standing back 50 yards, through an electric bullhorn: “Sir, please put the cow on the ground and back away slowly with your hands in the air, your eyes crossed, your tees dotted and your nose to the grindstone.”

Gustav, shouting back: “NO! This is my cow, I’m never giving her up! Ours is a star-struck but ill-fated marriage, but she is mine, do you hear me, mine!”

Police: “Sir, it’s against the law to carry a cow in the city limits, we already told you this. We don’t want your cow, but you must put her down, otherwise we’ll have to arrest you.”

Gustav: “For what?”

Police: “Bovine-carrying.”

If convicted, Gustav could face up to 150 years in jail and/or a fine of no more than 50 gatrillion rupees or drachmas or douche-bags or whatever you call them.

That’s a shitload of E chords, lemme’ tell you.

Victorian-era version of “Thriller”…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOnqjkJTMaA

Real version of “Thriller”…

The Flying Nun, and her ground crew, at their 50th year reunion…boy, a lot of beer was consumed and a lot of lies were told that night, lemme’ tell you.

I mean, really…

I don’t know, girls, but this might be just one more case of that old conundrum of what came first, the chicken or the egg?

Robot Guy, on left: “Your Majesty, I am the bearer of bad tidings…it has been announced; NASA chose Neil Armstrong to be the first person on the moon. They felt you were too, well, big across the chest for the spacesuit. I am so sorry.”

Queen Tartorus of Zatox, Supreme High Ruler of the Zircadian Belts and Mistress of the Altoids: “WHAT!?! They chose that nancy-boy over ME! Are you kidding? Shit. I am perfect for that role. R.G., call my agent, right now!”

Love and 35mm cameras,

Cap’n John

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