29,120 GRAMS SHIPPED IN ERROR

 

NO! NO! THIS IS SO, SO UNFAIR, AND SO TOTALLY WRONG! THIS IS A CASE OF FATE, KISMET, NATURE, PREDESTINATION OR WHATEVER, THUMBING ITS SNARKY, COSMIC NOSE AT ME AND SAYING, “WHAT A COMPLETE FOOL YOU ARE, CAP’N JOHN, TO THINK, TO STILL BELIEVE THAT WE WOULD EVER ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOU…BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA…HA! YOU ASSHOLE!”

SHIT.

SHIT.

This headline jumped out at me just a little while ago, as I was news-surfing…

“Florida couple’s Amazon order includes 65 pounds of marijuana”. (Oh sure, it HAD to be some nice couple here in Florida…shit.)

65 POUNDS OF MARIJUANA WAS SHIPPED TO THEM BY ACCIDENT. THEY ORDERED 27-GALLON TOTES TO USE FOR STORAGE, AND THEY GOT, PACKED DOWN INSIDE THE TOTES…

65 POUNDS OF MARIJUANA.

THAT THEY SHIPPED BACK.

I love this…according to the article (see the link below), “Amazon did not immediately comment”. Yeah, no shit. 65 pounds of good ol’ American smoking weed got shipped to a customer in error, yeah, I bet they declined comment. On the “Oops Scale” of 1-10, that’s about a 13. (I’ll bet Jeff Bezos is just thrilled.)

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/whats-hot/florida-couples-amazon-order-includes-65-pounds-of-marijuana/ar-AAtZ0DG

But why? Why? Why do these serendipitous events, these only once in a blue moon occurrences, never happen to me? “Man turns in 57 gatrillion dollars of negotiable bonds he found, gets 5 bajillion and blowjob as reward”, never, never once has ANYTHING like this happened to me.

“Woman trips on metal object buried in woods, finds entire spaceship” (which by the way is how the book “The Tommyknockers” by Stephen King starts out); of course, in that instance, finding the spaceship eventually led to the metamorphosis into a REALLY ugly alien creature and then the death of the lady who discovered it in the woods, but you get my drift here, I’m sure.

“Man wins all expenses paid weekend for two at the White House with President Trump, declines award, goes to Idaho instead”. Although I have to tell you, from what I’ve heard of Idaho, if I had two choices, go to Idaho or have a fiery steel rod shoved in my eye (spontaneous combustion not being an option), I’d have to give the matter careful consideration. But Trump vs. Idaho, yeah, that’s a lock, for sure.

But in the meantime, I mean, this is so, so unfair…this is like the Himalayas of unfair, it’s so unfair.

And, okay, I admit it, if they had shipped me 65 POUNDS OF MARIJUANA in error, of course I would have sent it back…

GAAAAHHH…Shit.

Love and roach clips,

Cap’n John

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